Measuring Sizes
by sombreromoustache
Summary: Keith and Lance are having an argument over who is the bigger Paladin


It was a normal day for the Paladins of Voltron. Hunk was making a meal from Coran's awful ingredients, Pidge was fiddling with her computers, Keith and Lance were [ ** _making out_** ] arguing over some trivial nonsense, and Shiro was just having enough with their bs.

"Keith, Lance! What are you two arguing about?" Shiro broke the two of them up.

The two suddenly became quieter than before, looking in opposite directions to avoid Shiro's eye contact.

"They were arguing over whose dick was bigger," Pidge announced from the other side of he room.

"PIDGE!" Keith and Lance shouted at the nerd in frustration.

"Wat?" Shiro could only with this.

"Keith says his dick is eight inches, and frankly I think he's full of crap!" Lance explained why they were arguing.

"Only because you said yours is fifteen! Which is, impossible!" Keith exasperated to his copilot.

"Why don't you just take your pants off and prove it, Keith!"

"Well I'm not gonna take off my pants!"

"WHY?!" Lance jested, "Are ya scared of the world will see?!"

"No, because I'm gonna take my shirt AND my pants off!" Keith explained while he was doing just that.

Lance was not going to let some CHUMP like Keith one up him, so he too took off his shirt and pants. Shiro realized that his day was going a lot different than what he thought it was going to be, as he left the room.

"You know guys, you could have done this somewhere else. Where I'm not eating," Hunk muttered, pushing what resembled a sausage into the trash.

Keith and Lance were both naked, standing in the living room of the Castle. Realizing they needed a way to measure their dicks, Lance borrowed a tape measure from Pidge, "We'll get this back to you!"

"No. Don't worry about it. I was gonna burn it anyway," Pidge muttered, utterly horrified with what was going on.

Because Lance and Keith were heterosexual and looking at each other's nude bodies, it did not take long for their dicks to be hard dicks. This made it easier for them to measure each other.

"Alright so we were both exaggerating sizes and it seems that I'm-

"FIVE POINT FIVE INCHES!" Lance yelled out, "WEAK SAUCE OVER HERE!"

"Oh yeah?! And what about you?!" Keith called him out.

Lance became much quieter when he was handed the tape measure. He measured his dick and reluctantly he whispered, "Six."

Keith was expecting him to gloat over his size advantage but was surprised that he showed shame in not completely dominating Keith, "Hey it's still a pretty good size for you," Keith complimented him, putting his arm around Lance.

"Thanks, buddy," Lance said, putting his around Keith.

"Alright, guys," Hunk got up from the couch, deciding to become a part of the plot by ripping off his clothes, "HAND ME THAT TAPE MEASURE!"

"YEAH! ALRIGHT, HUNK!" Lance cheered on his fellow Paladin, tossing him the measuring tool.

"Oh, so this is how my morning is going? Thanks," Pidge quietly complained.

"Ah yeah, eight inches!" Hunk cheered, "Me AND my lion are bigger than you!"

"Alright, pretty good, Hunk. Wasn't expecting that, but ok," Keith admitted.

Shiro walked back into the room with the desire to gouge his eyes out, "Why are you guys naked?"

"Yo, Shiro! Let's see how big YOU are!" Hunk tossed him the measuring tape, inviting him into their competition to see who had the biggest dick in Voltron.

Shiro deeply sighed, "I can already tell you that it's nine inches."

"Prove it," Lance goaded him on, with his smug look and his arms crossed over his chest.

Shiro narrowed his eyes on Lance as he started taking his clothes off, "The Druids did more to me than just give me an arm," he told them as the Paladins gazed upon his member, "They gave me a robo-dick."

"Oh," the Paladins of Voltron collectively said.

"Alright, Paladins it's time for training and," Coran walked into the living room ,seeing four nude Paladins and Pidge who had turned into the color red.

"Coran, we can explain!" Hunk tried to stop him from making assumptions.

"No! I know what this is! You Paladins are doing an ancient Altean bonding exercise! Mind if I join?!" Coran asked as he stroked his mustache.

All four of them shook their heads, "That's fine, Coran. We were just-

"No, Shiro! I must!" Coran grabbed the tape measure from the Black Lion's Paladin and literally sprung out of his clothes, "Now let's see. What the bloody hell is an inch?" As if the situation wasn't awkward enough, Coran was standing in the center of four naked dudes, trying to measure his dick, "Ah here we go! Twelve inches! Is that good or bad?"

"REALLY?! He's twelve inches?!" Hunk exasperated in frustration.

"Paladins! You all are supposed to begin your training and-

Princess Allura walked in on them, "Princess, I can explain," Shiro tried to explain before he was cut off again.

"No I understand what's going on," she put her hand out, "Hand me the measuring tape, Coran!"

"Of course, Princess!"

Princess Allura then threw her clothes off, revealing her smoking hot bod and her huge dick, "Why does the princess have a dick?" Lance asked the much needed question.

"Because, Lance," Coran answered.

"Can't argue with that," Keith agreed.

"Well, Paladins, it appears that I am about fifteen inches long," Allura read off the tape, "How does that compare to the rest of you?"

"God dammit! Even the princess is bigger than us!" Hunk's frustration echoed off the castle walls.

Pidge decided that enough was enough, "Alright. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Hand me the measuring tape, Princess."

Princess Allura handed Pidge the tool as she begun to shed her clothes. Everyone in the room reacted with shock and amazement as Pidge measured herself, "Well, it seems like my dicks is twenty inches. What do you think of that?!"

Everyone in the room was silent until Lane and Keith started clapping and eventually cheering for Pidge. The room filled with praise for Pidge, "The biggest Paladin of Voltron!" Hunk cheered.

"Maybe of Voltron," a voice called out, "But not the biggest on this ship," the tape measure disappeared from Pidge's hand.

They watched their mysterious competitor measure his dick, "Well what do you know. My dick is thirty inches long," Garfield bragged.

Hunk started crying into his hands, "I can't believe a pussy is bigger than me!"

Then they all fucked.

* * *

Zarkon's dick was like two inches, lmao.

* * *

 **A/N I wrote this for some reason.**


End file.
